Mom: you know...they're all white.

My mom works for a Korean Am non-profit. Recently, she asked me to help her apply for a scholarship for a leadership training program for senior citizens. The program is really expensive...$800 and the scholarship would cover 1/2. So she applied and got the scholarship (yay!) and got her executive director to agree to pay for the rest.

So I called my mom today and here's a snippet from our conversation:

Mom: I had the first meeting for the leadership program and you know...they are all white. I was so shocked.

Me: Oh really? I guess I'm not that surprised...

Mom: I was so surprised. The email about the program went to all the ethnic non-profits. I dont know why i was the only one...

Me: Are most of the other people retired?

Mom: I think most are retired but some are working. I think mainstream. They're all business owners, lawyers, a lot of teachers. you know, i was so discouraged.

Me: aww, mom...don't be discouraged...

Mom: I was next to this white man and he was a lawyer and a business person and he didn't know we had reading before first class so i let him look at mine. it was six pages? no, six pages total so over ten pages. you know, i was so shocked...he turned the pages and then he was done. i ask him did he read all of it? and he said, yes. *gasp* how did he read so fast? He said he know how to speed read. As lawyer, if you dont speed read you never finish. i was so discouraged. I don't know if I can survive...we have to read whole books and do self insight.

Me: What kind of books?

Mom: I think self help books. I thought the program will have mainly people who are still working in mainstream organization so i can network. I don't know if this is really helping me?

Me: (thinking to myself: crap, i'm probably have to read a bunch of self-help books and summarize them...)
Well, one reason why you're probably the only person in non-profit and especially from an ethnic non-profit is that most people don't have the resources to go to a leadership training program like this one. Especially if it costs $800. But since you're not paying for it, maybe it's worth seeing how it goes. Don't let it stress you out too much...get what you can get out of it but it shouldn't be adding stress to your life. Who knows, maybe someone you meet will be a good resource for you in the future.

Mom: I don't think I can refund now. At least it is only once a month...I think I'm gonna get teacher to volunteer to teach ESL class. (laughs) But I have to do final project at end so I don't know what to do.

Me: Turn something you have to do at work into your final project. Don't make more work for yourself...


The thought of my mom trying to read and analyze the same books as a bunch of wealthy white retired folks makes me cringe. When my mom comes to me with a problem or an issue she's facing, I typically try to re-frame the issue...but this time...I had a really hard time doing so. My mom never fails to amaze me and she's one of the most couragous women i know, but this is a very unfamiliar, uncomfortable space for her because of her language barrier, especially when it comes to reading. It's also really messed up that a leadership program is $800. My mom's non-profit paid for 1/2 of it because, well, my mom pretty much runs the place so they'd be stupid to not pay for the other half, but in general, i highly doubt any community non-profit in this economy has the resources to pay $400 for leadership training. It makes me doubt whether my mom will even learn anything that can be applied to her own work because as I've learned through my experiences in community non-profits, a white model of leadership isnt really how things work. She'll probably become their token person of color and exploit her image so they can project themselves as a progressive, multicultural leadership training program to gain legitimacy.

Ugh.