It's that time during the semester when i find myself updating my facebook status in 30 minute increments. yes, it's finals time.
In the spirit of procrastination, here's a bunch of random stuff:
1. Really cool/scary map of the unemployment rate since 2007.
2. A sex scene from True Blood (courtesy of desertDIVA)
3. A random quote from the paper I'm working on right now:
"[R]acial discourse is not simply about private speech acts or individualized modes of communication: It is also about contested histories, institutional relations of power, ideology, and the social gravity of effects. Racist discourses and expressions should alert us to the workings of power and the conditions that make particular forms of language possible and others seemingly impossible, as well as the modes of agency they produce and legitimate" -Henry A. Giroux
4. Another random quote (i love this article by jodi melamed, 2006):
"As historical articulations of race and capitalism have shifted--with white supremacy and colonial capitalism giving way to racial liberalism and transnational capitalism and, eventually, to neoliberal multiculturalism and globalization--race remains a procedure that justifies the nongeneralizability of capitalist wealth. Race continues to fuse technologies of racial domination with liberal freedoms to represent people who are exploited for or cut off from capitalist wealth as outsiders to liberal subjectivity for whom life can be disallowed to the point of death"
5. One thing on my birthday wish list: a stainless steel travel mug
6. I just finished off the ice cream.
7. is my favorite number.
8. I think snuggies are cool.
9. When I finish the semester, I'm going to continue the tradition I started and quit several yrs ago and compile a list of socially responsible gifts for kids. Unfortunately, it's usually a pretty short list.
10. My skin is so dry right now that I put on lotion and it burned. Not a good feeling.
11. and one last quote that I love:
"Women of color live in the dangerous intersections of gender and race. Within the mainstream antiviolence movement in the U.S., women of color who survive sexual or domestic abuse are often told that they must pit themselves against their communities, often portrayed stereotypically as violent, in order to being the healing process. Communities of color, meanwhile, often advocate that women keep silent about sexual and domestic violence in order to maintain a united front against racism... the analysis of and strategies for addressing gender violence have failed to address the manner in which gender violence is not simply a tool of patriarchal control, but also serves a s a tool of racism and colonialism. That is, colonial relationships are themselves gendered and sexualized" (Andrea Smith, 2005)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Dirrrrrty Dishes and the Same Old Routine
Warning: This is a RANT. Proceed with your own instinct.
After coming home from three days away in the city, my kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes. Actually, the kitchen is just plain filthy. I live in a house with three other women, one is which is away. The other two have been home for the last couple of days. I don't mind doing the dishes-- I was everything in the sink and put away the clean dishes in the dishwaher. Some of the tupperware I put back in the dish rack for convenience (I knew I was going to clean the kitchen later). I also vacuumed the living room, hallways, and back office. I acknowledge that lately I have not been cleaning as much as possible, but at the same time, have not been home that much, hence feeling that the mess wasn't mine to clean. Tonight I had plan on cleaning everything for tomorrow, which I am hosting my first thanksgiving dinner. Needless to say, my plans changed. Due to the turkey defrosting and one of my housemates bringing over a friend who was cooking/baking, I was not able to get back to the kitchen. Later my other housemate came home and they all decided to watch two movies in the living (where I originally was studying, but moved because of the noise).
After a couple of hours, I decided to take a shower. When I got out of the shower I caught my two housemates gossiping behind my back and the one's friend was making a mess of the kitchen. I WAS PISSED. I could hear them saying "oh wow she actually did the dishes" BITCH PLEASE! I was the dishes (including ones that are not mine) at least three times a week. I do it at times when people are not home, because that is usually when I prefer to be home so I do not see them. I was so hurt that they would do such a thing, especially since I have not bitched about one of them consistently not cleaning the drain in the bathroom. I had to finally stick up for myself, which I could tell caught them off guard.
Moral of the story is that I do not trust these women. I am done covering for someone who can turn on me so quickly. Why do I have to be quiet when you study when you can watch two movies and be HELLA loud when I am working on my final papers..... serisouly I am rarely ever home and thats the time to do it? Right now I should be reading Trinh Minh Ha and instead I am blogging my frustrations to help calm me down. UGH!!!!!
There is so much more I could write.. but I will try not to let it get to me. Fucking Bitches!
After coming home from three days away in the city, my kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes. Actually, the kitchen is just plain filthy. I live in a house with three other women, one is which is away. The other two have been home for the last couple of days. I don't mind doing the dishes-- I was everything in the sink and put away the clean dishes in the dishwaher. Some of the tupperware I put back in the dish rack for convenience (I knew I was going to clean the kitchen later). I also vacuumed the living room, hallways, and back office. I acknowledge that lately I have not been cleaning as much as possible, but at the same time, have not been home that much, hence feeling that the mess wasn't mine to clean. Tonight I had plan on cleaning everything for tomorrow, which I am hosting my first thanksgiving dinner. Needless to say, my plans changed. Due to the turkey defrosting and one of my housemates bringing over a friend who was cooking/baking, I was not able to get back to the kitchen. Later my other housemate came home and they all decided to watch two movies in the living (where I originally was studying, but moved because of the noise).
After a couple of hours, I decided to take a shower. When I got out of the shower I caught my two housemates gossiping behind my back and the one's friend was making a mess of the kitchen. I WAS PISSED. I could hear them saying "oh wow she actually did the dishes" BITCH PLEASE! I was the dishes (including ones that are not mine) at least three times a week. I do it at times when people are not home, because that is usually when I prefer to be home so I do not see them. I was so hurt that they would do such a thing, especially since I have not bitched about one of them consistently not cleaning the drain in the bathroom. I had to finally stick up for myself, which I could tell caught them off guard.
Moral of the story is that I do not trust these women. I am done covering for someone who can turn on me so quickly. Why do I have to be quiet when you study when you can watch two movies and be HELLA loud when I am working on my final papers..... serisouly I am rarely ever home and thats the time to do it? Right now I should be reading Trinh Minh Ha and instead I am blogging my frustrations to help calm me down. UGH!!!!!
There is so much more I could write.. but I will try not to let it get to me. Fucking Bitches!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Knowledge and Value
This was sent to me from another fierce WOC graduate student. Her email shows yet again how hard it is to 1. be in the academy 2. change the academy 3. sustain ambition to work within its constructs (the academy). We have to voice our frustrations and not isolate ourselves..... in numbers we grow stronger.
She states: "Hope you are well, my cognate class (on law and race) is painfully horrible! yesterday we were supposed to have our only in class test. He hadn't printed the tests out before class started, so he sent them to the faculty printer, and somehow they got lost, he told us to "not talk while he was out of the classroom" like we were 5th graders or something, I asked the class if they had put in complaints about him before and the consensus was that they and others have but nothing gets done, I think it is true about U of M's treatment of athletes, (who are almost all African American) even the school newspaper has some scathing comments about athletic/personal performance of individual athletes etc.
I am also feeling a little frustrated because there was an incident during a critique, where I was shut down and ignored, and no one jumped in. basically a white student is doing a painting using images of black subjects, to in her words"provoke a conversation about race and gender" last critique I urged her to use caution when comparing Hip Hop's role of women to that of Enslaved black women, during the antebellum and the Middle Passage, I offered myslef as a resource because of my studies on this history and the images from them, (as I had said there were not many photographs available) then I was cut off my a gentleman who said he was hired by Northwestern to archive slavery photographs on a library website. (it turned out these were photographs of Africans NOT African Americans, good try mister, both Black but NOT the same).. so at this last critique the conversation was of course more formal, like color composition etc. then I kept trying to bring the conversation back to race, and bluntly asked her what her point of view was she said it was to provoke a conversation (w/ I was trying to have a conversation, no?) then turned her attention to someone else, she was obviously uncomfortable about my confrontations, and was trying to move the group onto a different painting with benign subject matter. I asked her why she was using visual references of anthropological drawings of the African Slave trade and the journey to the West coast of Africa, I asked her if she was trying to talk about the invention or the convention of race, this time she completely disregarded and ignored my question and turned to the (white) guy next to me and said "didn't you have a question?".. not one of my liberal classmates or Professor said a word, so not only was my scholarship on this subject disregarded, but my own experience as a WOC and as a WOC artist who works on race. I cant wait for the break."
Stay strong!!! Yours in solidarity: libralady
She states: "Hope you are well, my cognate class (on law and race) is painfully horrible! yesterday we were supposed to have our only in class test. He hadn't printed the tests out before class started, so he sent them to the faculty printer, and somehow they got lost, he told us to "not talk while he was out of the classroom" like we were 5th graders or something, I asked the class if they had put in complaints about him before and the consensus was that they and others have but nothing gets done, I think it is true about U of M's treatment of athletes, (who are almost all African American) even the school newspaper has some scathing comments about athletic/personal performance of individual athletes etc.
I am also feeling a little frustrated because there was an incident during a critique, where I was shut down and ignored, and no one jumped in. basically a white student is doing a painting using images of black subjects, to in her words"provoke a conversation about race and gender" last critique I urged her to use caution when comparing Hip Hop's role of women to that of Enslaved black women, during the antebellum and the Middle Passage, I offered myslef as a resource because of my studies on this history and the images from them, (as I had said there were not many photographs available) then I was cut off my a gentleman who said he was hired by Northwestern to archive slavery photographs on a library website. (it turned out these were photographs of Africans NOT African Americans, good try mister, both Black but NOT the same).. so at this last critique the conversation was of course more formal, like color composition etc. then I kept trying to bring the conversation back to race, and bluntly asked her what her point of view was she said it was to provoke a conversation (w/ I was trying to have a conversation, no?) then turned her attention to someone else, she was obviously uncomfortable about my confrontations, and was trying to move the group onto a different painting with benign subject matter. I asked her why she was using visual references of anthropological drawings of the African Slave trade and the journey to the West coast of Africa, I asked her if she was trying to talk about the invention or the convention of race, this time she completely disregarded and ignored my question and turned to the (white) guy next to me and said "didn't you have a question?".. not one of my liberal classmates or Professor said a word, so not only was my scholarship on this subject disregarded, but my own experience as a WOC and as a WOC artist who works on race. I cant wait for the break."
Stay strong!!! Yours in solidarity: libralady
Monday, November 16, 2009
Booze, Blunts, and Bloodsuckers
Just have to say that I am very excited for tonight's activities. Will bring pie for the munchies. Even fierce women of color need herbal remedies.
Life's Ups and Downs
I've taken a break from this blog, which I now realize was a mistake. This space is so critical for all of us to voice our frustrations, hopes, desires, worries, and fears. The last couple of weeks have been tremendously hard; whether in regards to school, work, or love. However, we (I) are soldiers and keep on trooping through the misty unknown that is the future. The one major issue that has been on my mind is compromise-- When do we pick our battles and when do you stay silent. When do we disrupt something good for a perceived something better... do we take the risk, or play it safe? When do you know that you have a good thing, or when you should revert to something from the past that end up bad... or good? These have been the questions plaguing my mind. I am very thankful for what I have now: great friends, family, work situations, adviser, and of course, partner. Yet, I still feel no happiness, no consistent butterflies. But this is just the beginning.... will it improve over time? God I hope so. Please strength do not leave my side, I need you more than ever.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
the ugly funk
This has been hard...to write I mean. I've been feeling invalidated...by whites and also by people of color. By people either telling me that what I see is in my head, or invalidating my experiences by homogenizing it as experiences of all people of color. I lost my voice, even forgot what it once sounded like.
So for months I've sat here looking at this blog, trying to write something worthwhile and felt I had nothing to contribute. Then today I woke up and felt something radiate inside me...ANGER. My inner voice wanting to say nothing more than FUCK YOU to those voices I've internalized over a life time. I am what I am and I do not need you to define me, solve me or tell me how to be. And if I contradict myself, so be it... it is inevitable! I will no longer live in fear!
So, this is want I have to contribute at this moment... the mess, sadness, anger, loneliness, frustration and the powerlessness I feel. I refuse to hide it away like some sorry secret. This is how the world I live in has written me at the moment and this is as real as it gets.
- theothergrlnxtdoor
So for months I've sat here looking at this blog, trying to write something worthwhile and felt I had nothing to contribute. Then today I woke up and felt something radiate inside me...ANGER. My inner voice wanting to say nothing more than FUCK YOU to those voices I've internalized over a life time. I am what I am and I do not need you to define me, solve me or tell me how to be. And if I contradict myself, so be it... it is inevitable! I will no longer live in fear!
So, this is want I have to contribute at this moment... the mess, sadness, anger, loneliness, frustration and the powerlessness I feel. I refuse to hide it away like some sorry secret. This is how the world I live in has written me at the moment and this is as real as it gets.
- theothergrlnxtdoor
Monday, October 12, 2009
the other thing about tokenism....
yes, i understand that the title of my paper at this graduate student conference is "provocative" and is is about intimacy and sex, but, hello, i'm describing the united states and how they maintained a foothold in their overseas empire. yes, i am talking about "inappropriate" things, but imperialism is inappropriate, period. you white guys don't need to go around the conference dinner looking for the girl who is giving the "nasty" talk and congratulating her for having the "nasty" title, and telling her how you are all looking so much forward to it. this shouldn't make me rethink my entire paper presentation because i don't want to "perform" for your lusty desires and whatever it is you think my paper is going to be about, but as a woman of color presenting on the subject of imperialism in a developing nation, this is what i am now thinking about. and i am also now thinking about not going to my panel, so you don't have the opportunity to hear the "nasty" girl give her "sexy" talk. but instead, i think i will change my paper a little, and preface it by calling you assholes out, and relating how people like you are the continuing legacy of empire and sexual exploitation that continue to plague my motherland. really, what it comes down to is that i have a smarter title than you, and that you are acting like you are 12. and you are racist. and sexist.
assholes better recognize.
desertDIVA
assholes better recognize.
desertDIVA
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Mom: you know...they're all white.
My mom works for a Korean Am non-profit. Recently, she asked me to help her apply for a scholarship for a leadership training program for senior citizens. The program is really expensive...$800 and the scholarship would cover 1/2. So she applied and got the scholarship (yay!) and got her executive director to agree to pay for the rest.
So I called my mom today and here's a snippet from our conversation:
Mom: I had the first meeting for the leadership program and you know...they are all white. I was so shocked.
Me: Oh really? I guess I'm not that surprised...
Mom: I was so surprised. The email about the program went to all the ethnic non-profits. I dont know why i was the only one...
Me: Are most of the other people retired?
Mom: I think most are retired but some are working. I think mainstream. They're all business owners, lawyers, a lot of teachers. you know, i was so discouraged.
Me: aww, mom...don't be discouraged...
Mom: I was next to this white man and he was a lawyer and a business person and he didn't know we had reading before first class so i let him look at mine. it was six pages? no, six pages total so over ten pages. you know, i was so shocked...he turned the pages and then he was done. i ask him did he read all of it? and he said, yes. *gasp* how did he read so fast? He said he know how to speed read. As lawyer, if you dont speed read you never finish. i was so discouraged. I don't know if I can survive...we have to read whole books and do self insight.
Me: What kind of books?
Mom: I think self help books. I thought the program will have mainly people who are still working in mainstream organization so i can network. I don't know if this is really helping me?
Me: (thinking to myself: crap, i'm probably have to read a bunch of self-help books and summarize them...)
Well, one reason why you're probably the only person in non-profit and especially from an ethnic non-profit is that most people don't have the resources to go to a leadership training program like this one. Especially if it costs $800. But since you're not paying for it, maybe it's worth seeing how it goes. Don't let it stress you out too much...get what you can get out of it but it shouldn't be adding stress to your life. Who knows, maybe someone you meet will be a good resource for you in the future.
Mom: I don't think I can refund now. At least it is only once a month...I think I'm gonna get teacher to volunteer to teach ESL class. (laughs) But I have to do final project at end so I don't know what to do.
Me: Turn something you have to do at work into your final project. Don't make more work for yourself...
The thought of my mom trying to read and analyze the same books as a bunch of wealthy white retired folks makes me cringe. When my mom comes to me with a problem or an issue she's facing, I typically try to re-frame the issue...but this time...I had a really hard time doing so. My mom never fails to amaze me and she's one of the most couragous women i know, but this is a very unfamiliar, uncomfortable space for her because of her language barrier, especially when it comes to reading. It's also really messed up that a leadership program is $800. My mom's non-profit paid for 1/2 of it because, well, my mom pretty much runs the place so they'd be stupid to not pay for the other half, but in general, i highly doubt any community non-profit in this economy has the resources to pay $400 for leadership training. It makes me doubt whether my mom will even learn anything that can be applied to her own work because as I've learned through my experiences in community non-profits, a white model of leadership isnt really how things work. She'll probably become their token person of color and exploit her image so they can project themselves as a progressive, multicultural leadership training program to gain legitimacy.
Ugh.
So I called my mom today and here's a snippet from our conversation:
Mom: I had the first meeting for the leadership program and you know...they are all white. I was so shocked.
Me: Oh really? I guess I'm not that surprised...
Mom: I was so surprised. The email about the program went to all the ethnic non-profits. I dont know why i was the only one...
Me: Are most of the other people retired?
Mom: I think most are retired but some are working. I think mainstream. They're all business owners, lawyers, a lot of teachers. you know, i was so discouraged.
Me: aww, mom...don't be discouraged...
Mom: I was next to this white man and he was a lawyer and a business person and he didn't know we had reading before first class so i let him look at mine. it was six pages? no, six pages total so over ten pages. you know, i was so shocked...he turned the pages and then he was done. i ask him did he read all of it? and he said, yes. *gasp* how did he read so fast? He said he know how to speed read. As lawyer, if you dont speed read you never finish. i was so discouraged. I don't know if I can survive...we have to read whole books and do self insight.
Me: What kind of books?
Mom: I think self help books. I thought the program will have mainly people who are still working in mainstream organization so i can network. I don't know if this is really helping me?
Me: (thinking to myself: crap, i'm probably have to read a bunch of self-help books and summarize them...)
Well, one reason why you're probably the only person in non-profit and especially from an ethnic non-profit is that most people don't have the resources to go to a leadership training program like this one. Especially if it costs $800. But since you're not paying for it, maybe it's worth seeing how it goes. Don't let it stress you out too much...get what you can get out of it but it shouldn't be adding stress to your life. Who knows, maybe someone you meet will be a good resource for you in the future.
Mom: I don't think I can refund now. At least it is only once a month...I think I'm gonna get teacher to volunteer to teach ESL class. (laughs) But I have to do final project at end so I don't know what to do.
Me: Turn something you have to do at work into your final project. Don't make more work for yourself...
The thought of my mom trying to read and analyze the same books as a bunch of wealthy white retired folks makes me cringe. When my mom comes to me with a problem or an issue she's facing, I typically try to re-frame the issue...but this time...I had a really hard time doing so. My mom never fails to amaze me and she's one of the most couragous women i know, but this is a very unfamiliar, uncomfortable space for her because of her language barrier, especially when it comes to reading. It's also really messed up that a leadership program is $800. My mom's non-profit paid for 1/2 of it because, well, my mom pretty much runs the place so they'd be stupid to not pay for the other half, but in general, i highly doubt any community non-profit in this economy has the resources to pay $400 for leadership training. It makes me doubt whether my mom will even learn anything that can be applied to her own work because as I've learned through my experiences in community non-profits, a white model of leadership isnt really how things work. She'll probably become their token person of color and exploit her image so they can project themselves as a progressive, multicultural leadership training program to gain legitimacy.
Ugh.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
sinfully delicious
I'm not a big on celebrities..desertDIVA is the one to go to for pop culture and celebrity gossip...but when it comes to Daniel Henney, my heart starts to race.
Yes, he's a very problematic type of hotness, but *sigh*, but we're all allowed to have guilty pleasures, right???
And he has a new tv show called 3 rivers...check out his message to his fans
And he has a spread on koream journal's online journal...
yeah...did i mention he was hot?
-XXunbound
Yes, he's a very problematic type of hotness, but *sigh*, but we're all allowed to have guilty pleasures, right???
And he has a new tv show called 3 rivers...check out his message to his fans
And he has a spread on koream journal's online journal...
yeah...did i mention he was hot?
-XXunbound
Friday, October 9, 2009
a night in
SCENE:
libralady and desertDIVA doing work / watching hellboy II.
desertDIVA: i like the villain character, i mean, i identify with his struggle, even though his approach may be flawed, i like his ideals. and he's hot.
libralady:yeah...i'd hit it...and in comparison to whats here...
desertDIVA: yeah, i think he'd at LEAST be a socialist.
libralady and desertDIVA doing work / watching hellboy II.
desertDIVA: i like the villain character, i mean, i identify with his struggle, even though his approach may be flawed, i like his ideals. and he's hot.
libralady:yeah...i'd hit it...and in comparison to whats here...
desertDIVA: yeah, i think he'd at LEAST be a socialist.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Staceyann Chin
For those who do not know Staceyann Chin.. she is simply amazing. Check out this video..
the POWER of LANGUAGE
So last week as I sat in a meeting, I had the most interesting exchange with a fellow woman of color. When discussing terminology for an event that we were planning, the topic of "student of color" vs. "minority" came to the table. This woman (who I have nothing against)kept using the term "minorities" when describing a certain population that we were hoping to target. After the third time she used it, I couldn't help myself but counter her language by using the term "students/people/women of color." After a couple of times, she caught on.
When she asked why I didn't use minority, I simply said that I personally disliked the words minority and minorities because of their clear relationship with political disenfranchisement, negative connotations, government oppression, etc, etc... Rather the terms student/person/women "of color" is a more positive term that highlights collectiveness, community, and political/personal agency. She sat there stunned. After a couple moments of silence, she replied "Wow". I have never thought about that... and I can see your point. I'm going to start referring to student/person/women of color from now on." Yah for small victories.
But the story doesn't stop there... Literally as a the meeting continued, this same woman asked me what the term Chicana meant. She stated "I've taken Spanish so I know a word ending in an "a" is female... so is Chicana just a female version of chica with an extra "na" at the end of it?" WRONG.
Please don't assume the meanings of words. Words have power, weight, history, privilege, and force. The word Chicana may just mean chica with an extra "na" at the end of it, but for me Chicana means identity, political awareness, family, community, struggle, and independence. I understand that we throw around these terms very freely in the academy and not everyone is on the same page. Yet, assuming meanings can hurt and offend just as much as being a racist.
Just like the difference between "of color" and minority, we need to help each other self educate and educate each other. And also, "colored students" is not the same thing as student of color! We are all in this struggle together and are each others comrades.
When she asked why I didn't use minority, I simply said that I personally disliked the words minority and minorities because of their clear relationship with political disenfranchisement, negative connotations, government oppression, etc, etc... Rather the terms student/person/women "of color" is a more positive term that highlights collectiveness, community, and political/personal agency. She sat there stunned. After a couple moments of silence, she replied "Wow". I have never thought about that... and I can see your point. I'm going to start referring to student/person/women of color from now on." Yah for small victories.
But the story doesn't stop there... Literally as a the meeting continued, this same woman asked me what the term Chicana meant. She stated "I've taken Spanish so I know a word ending in an "a" is female... so is Chicana just a female version of chica with an extra "na" at the end of it?" WRONG.
Please don't assume the meanings of words. Words have power, weight, history, privilege, and force. The word Chicana may just mean chica with an extra "na" at the end of it, but for me Chicana means identity, political awareness, family, community, struggle, and independence. I understand that we throw around these terms very freely in the academy and not everyone is on the same page. Yet, assuming meanings can hurt and offend just as much as being a racist.
Just like the difference between "of color" and minority, we need to help each other self educate and educate each other. And also, "colored students" is not the same thing as student of color! We are all in this struggle together and are each others comrades.
Monday, October 5, 2009
WHATEVA!!!
This is maybe the cutest video I've ever seen. If I were that little, I'd wanna be friends with her.
Video
Video
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Drunken Words are Sober Thoughts
A FIERCE woman in solidarity submitted this to us from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign campus, detailing some racist things that happened to her and her friends at her own alma mater...CHECK IT OUT!
Have more stories like these? Email us!
abstinenceinthecornfields@gmail.com
Have more stories like these? Email us!
abstinenceinthecornfields@gmail.com
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
An Open Letter...
As a woman of color, we face many battles on a daily basis. Whether it is coming under fire in the classroom, made spokesperson for all women of color in academia, being harassed on the street, or seen as sexually available and exotic, the one arena that always seems to plague us is our love life. Already in academia, we are a pretty isolated population and thus, finding partners can be quiet difficult. Trying to find a partner that “gets it” and says they are as equally radical, progressive, supportive, ambitious, driven, creative (the list goes on….) is damn near impossible. As a result, we have learned to “date-down” and to lower the standards. LADIES, we should not have to do this!!! We are amazing and deserve a lover/partner/friend that acts as an equal, but in order to do this we will experience lemons.
This is an open letter to myself about a former lover of mine—a man who I thought was an equal: a progressive man of color. Needless to say, he didn’t walk the talk, and I learned the hard way (multiple breakups/hookups), false promises, attempts to be friends and colleagues, etc... But at the end of the day, the very long day, I finally got it and realized I/we deserve better…
To me,
What I have come to understand and accept is that “G” is selfish and immature. Out of the many kind things I have done from the bottom of my heart, how many times has he returned the favor? How many times has “G” made me feel like a woman—like a respected woman? Rarely, if ever. I can count on one hand how many times he has paid for the entire bill or purchased anything for me.
And here I stand, meeting two male friends who have shown me more respect in the last couple of weeks than he has in years.
I deserve someone who allows me to love and to show them love. I do not need to play games and have drama in order to feel listened to or cared for. That is not me. I need to acknowledge how he has disrupted and warped my sense of romance. In do not seek control over his life, only straight communication which he cannot and does not offer. I am not a doll that can be picked up and played with whenever HE wants. I am a human, a woman, a giver, a lover, an equal.
“G” is bad for me and I need to accept the fact that I need distance from him in order to be emotionally healthy. While this will be hard, I know that for my professional and personal life to blossom—this is what HAS to be done. I cannot nor should try to contact him just for the hell of it. If he wants to contact me than he can, but still remember to be cautious.
Maybe one day “G”will realize what he has/had in front of him. Until that day, I should not focus my love and attention on an unrealistic aspiration.
While it is difficult being a woman of color, and more importantly a woman of color in a primarily white spatial construction, it is better to be alone and happy than together and miserable.
The sex is just not worth it.
Signed,
libralady
This is an open letter to myself about a former lover of mine—a man who I thought was an equal: a progressive man of color. Needless to say, he didn’t walk the talk, and I learned the hard way (multiple breakups/hookups), false promises, attempts to be friends and colleagues, etc... But at the end of the day, the very long day, I finally got it and realized I/we deserve better…
To me,
What I have come to understand and accept is that “G” is selfish and immature. Out of the many kind things I have done from the bottom of my heart, how many times has he returned the favor? How many times has “G” made me feel like a woman—like a respected woman? Rarely, if ever. I can count on one hand how many times he has paid for the entire bill or purchased anything for me.
And here I stand, meeting two male friends who have shown me more respect in the last couple of weeks than he has in years.
I deserve someone who allows me to love and to show them love. I do not need to play games and have drama in order to feel listened to or cared for. That is not me. I need to acknowledge how he has disrupted and warped my sense of romance. In do not seek control over his life, only straight communication which he cannot and does not offer. I am not a doll that can be picked up and played with whenever HE wants. I am a human, a woman, a giver, a lover, an equal.
“G” is bad for me and I need to accept the fact that I need distance from him in order to be emotionally healthy. While this will be hard, I know that for my professional and personal life to blossom—this is what HAS to be done. I cannot nor should try to contact him just for the hell of it. If he wants to contact me than he can, but still remember to be cautious.
Maybe one day “G”will realize what he has/had in front of him. Until that day, I should not focus my love and attention on an unrealistic aspiration.
While it is difficult being a woman of color, and more importantly a woman of color in a primarily white spatial construction, it is better to be alone and happy than together and miserable.
The sex is just not worth it.
Signed,
libralady
Friday, September 25, 2009
panty snapping reflections
today i was going to class. i got on an elevator and so did this guy, also presumably going to class. i was inconspicuously trying to scratch my side where my underwear band was kind of itching. instead, i snapped the band really loudly on accident, in an otherwise noiseless elevator. FAIL. EPIC PANTY SNAPPING FAIL. if the guy had been hot i might have tried to make the most of the moment by saying something like, "yeah, i snapped my own underwear...jealous?" but then i think that would have only reified the hypersexual woman of color trope.
<3 desertDIVA
<3 desertDIVA
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
It's really not uncommon...i promise...
I was talking with desertDIVA today and I'm not quite sure how I feel about "sharing" my personal experiences in class. Most of my experiences are gendered & raced and that's typically how i frame them. But today, I felt like my classmates' reactions to my experiences were overly surprised..as if this stuff was just completely horrendous and unbelievable. The stories I shared with them aren't unique...they're your typical asian fetish, we all look alike, we're all foreign, name calling, not being taken seriously, etc. Sometimes I wonder if those who haven't experienced racism directly are living/experiencing racism through my experiences. i wonder if listening to how people experience racism gives them a sense of legitimacy b/c now they know what racism feels like and looks like...and they can say "i know this girl who....blah blah blah..."
I know at the end of the day this might just be a burden we have to deal with. I DO want people who don't see how racism works to hear about our experiences and be able to understand that it really does exist and it happens to people who look like me. I just don't like being commodified.
XXunbound
Saturday, September 19, 2009
typical day, same b.s.
830am
mom calls
mom: how do you say green, like remember how you were telling me what to say about going green for the environment, (as a sales promotion for the tourism industry, not b/c im a hippie) is it right to say, 'i think we should be surrounded by greens...'?"
desertDIVA: no mom, just green without the s, green, not greens.
mom: oh, hahahaha, ok. i want to tell this guy im emailing that i like earthling colors, should i say that?
desertDIVA: earthy colors? like as in the earth?
mom: no like, earthling, like that one movie with geena davis and jeff goldblum...
desertDIVA: earthgirls are easy???
mom: (lol-ing) yeah that one, is that ok to say?
desertDIVA: just say earthy colors, not earthling...and earthling is a human.
mom: oh...what else should i say to this guy?
desertDIVA: mom...im writing a paper...its due in 2 hours.
mom: (exasperation) oooooh ok fine, bye.
835am
mom calls
mom: did you fix the light at your apartment yet?
desertDIVA: no...
....
....
mom: ok bye.
1pm
heading to class, mentally preparing to discuss a book about whiteness that i'm not so fond of. most of the class is white...and study people / communities of color...cuz they are "progressive," or something. i don't get it.
desertDIVA: i thought there were a couple of problematic things in this book, some of which i will list as follows...
1. this book got all kinds of accolades from which whiteness studies emerged and was received with open arms and acceptance while the ethnic studies still have to validate and justify their existence in the academy.
2. cultural appropriation does not open the doors to antiracism for white people. i don't care how much smokey robinson you listen to or how many Che/Bob Marley shirts you have. That doesn't make you radical, that makes you a tool.
3. I don't feel sorry for white "repression." as peggy mcintosh said, this repression gives them an "invisible knapsack" full of useful tools that they get to use to get ahead in the world. getting rid of whiteness wont change this. it'll probably just make the knapsack more invisible.
4. The focus on whiteness creates a tone different from the other books we have read. this book, in dealing with whiteness, felt more tragic, melancholic and sympathetic, whereas many of our other books feel more angry and violent..and i am suspicious of anything that seems like it's trying to make the hegemonic group the victims.
rest of class: but what are you talking about, this book was totally violent...there were labor riots! and racial slurs!
desertDIVA: ummm....wat....
230pm
desertDIVA: WAAAT WAAAT WAT??! are those people in my class effing serious!?! eff that shit!
libralady: i know honey, i know.
400pm
choco taco and shit talking / emotional support
700pm
going to theothergrlnxtdoor 's potluck
desertDIVA: (after first plate) i'm gonna get more food. (looks at 2 containers of yogurt, looks at host) are these two the same kind of yogurt?
random white dude who isn't host: (displays cultural capital / cultural appropriation skillz) oh thats raita, its indian yogurt and cucumber, you eat it with the spicy chicken.
desertDIVA: (looks at dude, spoons yogurt into bowl) ... (walks away with a samosa in mouth).
desertDIVA: (to libralady) ummm
libralady: yeah...
945pm
at a bar with othergrlnxtdoor, libralady, and XXunbound, shit talking / emotional support /defeated trolling
desertDIVA: (grabs arm of XXunbound, motions for her to look at hot Asian men at the bar who could possibly be undergraduates) where did they come from?!?!
XXunbound: i don't know!!!
All : (stare in awe and wonderment at hot Asians until they leave bar. we are chicken and don't talk to them)
100am
eat pie. talk shit / emotional support. go to bed.
mom calls
mom: how do you say green, like remember how you were telling me what to say about going green for the environment, (as a sales promotion for the tourism industry, not b/c im a hippie) is it right to say, 'i think we should be surrounded by greens...'?"
desertDIVA: no mom, just green without the s, green, not greens.
mom: oh, hahahaha, ok. i want to tell this guy im emailing that i like earthling colors, should i say that?
desertDIVA: earthy colors? like as in the earth?
mom: no like, earthling, like that one movie with geena davis and jeff goldblum...
desertDIVA: earthgirls are easy???
mom: (lol-ing) yeah that one, is that ok to say?
desertDIVA: just say earthy colors, not earthling...and earthling is a human.
mom: oh...what else should i say to this guy?
desertDIVA: mom...im writing a paper...its due in 2 hours.
mom: (exasperation) oooooh ok fine, bye.
835am
mom calls
mom: did you fix the light at your apartment yet?
desertDIVA: no...
....
....
mom: ok bye.
1pm
heading to class, mentally preparing to discuss a book about whiteness that i'm not so fond of. most of the class is white...and study people / communities of color...cuz they are "progressive," or something. i don't get it.
desertDIVA: i thought there were a couple of problematic things in this book, some of which i will list as follows...
1. this book got all kinds of accolades from which whiteness studies emerged and was received with open arms and acceptance while the ethnic studies still have to validate and justify their existence in the academy.
2. cultural appropriation does not open the doors to antiracism for white people. i don't care how much smokey robinson you listen to or how many Che/Bob Marley shirts you have. That doesn't make you radical, that makes you a tool.
3. I don't feel sorry for white "repression." as peggy mcintosh said, this repression gives them an "invisible knapsack" full of useful tools that they get to use to get ahead in the world. getting rid of whiteness wont change this. it'll probably just make the knapsack more invisible.
4. The focus on whiteness creates a tone different from the other books we have read. this book, in dealing with whiteness, felt more tragic, melancholic and sympathetic, whereas many of our other books feel more angry and violent..and i am suspicious of anything that seems like it's trying to make the hegemonic group the victims.
rest of class: but what are you talking about, this book was totally violent...there were labor riots! and racial slurs!
desertDIVA: ummm....wat....
230pm
desertDIVA: WAAAT WAAAT WAT??! are those people in my class effing serious!?! eff that shit!
libralady: i know honey, i know.
400pm
choco taco and shit talking / emotional support
700pm
going to theothergrlnxtdoor 's potluck
desertDIVA: (after first plate) i'm gonna get more food. (looks at 2 containers of yogurt, looks at host) are these two the same kind of yogurt?
random white dude who isn't host: (displays cultural capital / cultural appropriation skillz) oh thats raita, its indian yogurt and cucumber, you eat it with the spicy chicken.
desertDIVA: (looks at dude, spoons yogurt into bowl) ... (walks away with a samosa in mouth).
desertDIVA: (to libralady) ummm
libralady: yeah...
945pm
at a bar with othergrlnxtdoor, libralady, and XXunbound, shit talking / emotional support /defeated trolling
desertDIVA: (grabs arm of XXunbound, motions for her to look at hot Asian men at the bar who could possibly be undergraduates) where did they come from?!?!
XXunbound: i don't know!!!
All : (stare in awe and wonderment at hot Asians until they leave bar. we are chicken and don't talk to them)
100am
eat pie. talk shit / emotional support. go to bed.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
hyper sensitive my ass
So I recently posted an article on facebook about Annie Le's murder and my friend thought I was being hyper sensitive. My problem with the article was that the entire article was about who was at that point, a potential suspect (he's now under arrest). The article humanizes him and paints this portrait--the guy next door. He could have been anyone. This is how the article starts off:
"As a high school student in the shoreline town of Branford, Conn., Raymond Clark III joined the Asian Awareness Club, which made spring rolls for a faculty lunch and organized a trip to Chinatown for the Chinese New Year. He joined the Interact Club, which focused on community problems like homelessness. And he played football and baseball, throwing long bombs as a quarterback and knuckleballs as a pitcher."
He's then addressed as "Mr. Clark" for the rest of the article. The article portrays him as your standard all-american white boy. Now, we don't know for sure whether or not "Mr. Clark" had an Asian fetish or if he was cracked out on something when he strangled Annie Le to death and shoved her into a wall, but there's a history of the media and the legal system deracializing racially motivated violence against Asian women and being sympathetic to white male perps.
This is why the article irked me. I like to think it's a pretty reasonable and legitimate reason for being pissed. My fb friend, however, thought I was being "hyper sensitive" and cautioned me about racializing the situation.
Um. I'm not hyper sensitive-- I just see it for what it is. What it could potentially be. Ok, so maybe I'm a little sensitive but it's because I'm just tired of it. I'm not being abnormally critical--I'm just freakin annoyed. So what? I HAVE THAT RIGHT.
I have that right because Michael Lohman has the right to get psychological treatment in exchange for a clean criminal record after putting his piss & jizz into Asian women's drinks and masterbating with a mitten filled with snippets of Asian hair he stole off the heads of unknowing women. I have that right because three racist pathetic white perverts in Spokane, WA kidnapped and raped two Japanese women for 7 hrs to satisfy their sexual fantasies of young Japanese girls but this wasn't considered a hate crime. I have that right because violence against women of color is usually deracialized by the legal system & the media. If they have the right to ignore the root cause of violence against women of color, I have the right to call them out.
And it's not just white men who are protected by the media and the legal system--as long as the perp has some social capital, the media makes an effort. Take a look at the media coverage of Tila Tequila charging her hot shot football playing partner of battery and false imprisonment. Regardless of what "actually" happened and regardless of what you think about Tila, if she felt violated, she felt violated. If she wants to press charges, more power to her. That's her right and the media's job is not to protect or make excuses for her potentially abusive partner. Just because Tila doesn't fit into the good girl narrative "worthy" of being protected doesn't mean she should be villified and treated as if she "deserved it." Nobody deserves it and nobody deserves to be strangled to death. not Annie, not Tila.
So, no. I don't think I'm being hyper sensitive. I'm sick of the media devaluing the lives and bodies of women of color.
peace,
XXunbound
a manifesto....
"We are a family who first only knew each other in our dreams, who have come together on these pages to make faith a reality and to bring all of our selves to bear down hard on that reality. It is about physical and psychic struggle. It is about intimacy, a desire for life between all of us, not settling for less than freedom even in the most private aspects of our lives. A total vision. For the women in this book, i will lay my body down for that vision. This Bridge Called My Back." - Cherrie Moraga, excerpt from, This Bridge Called My Back: Writings By Radical Women of Color.
We resolve, in the spirit of the women who have gone before us, to be uncompromising in our pursuit of total freedom. We understand that as academic women of color, our ideologies are inextricably and irrevocably tied to our intimate lives, and that although this places an unfair burden upon us, it also brings us closer to that complete freedom we desire. We acknowledge that as professional women of color, the odds are heavily against us in terms of the prospects of truly free intimacy, be it camaraderie or romance. We know that our backs will be consistently walked on throughout our lives, but we refuse to tolerate this from the people we choose to let enter our lives. We offer our backs to these, and bear the weight gladly. We will not be your cultural capital, your token/trophy, your walk on the "wild side," that makes you think you are legitimate and down with the brown. We will keep the hope alive, and we will do it in style.
xoxo,
desertDIVA, libralady, othergrlnxtdoor, XXunbound
We resolve, in the spirit of the women who have gone before us, to be uncompromising in our pursuit of total freedom. We understand that as academic women of color, our ideologies are inextricably and irrevocably tied to our intimate lives, and that although this places an unfair burden upon us, it also brings us closer to that complete freedom we desire. We acknowledge that as professional women of color, the odds are heavily against us in terms of the prospects of truly free intimacy, be it camaraderie or romance. We know that our backs will be consistently walked on throughout our lives, but we refuse to tolerate this from the people we choose to let enter our lives. We offer our backs to these, and bear the weight gladly. We will not be your cultural capital, your token/trophy, your walk on the "wild side," that makes you think you are legitimate and down with the brown. We will keep the hope alive, and we will do it in style.
xoxo,
desertDIVA, libralady, othergrlnxtdoor, XXunbound
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