Monday, November 16, 2009
Life's Ups and Downs
I've taken a break from this blog, which I now realize was a mistake. This space is so critical for all of us to voice our frustrations, hopes, desires, worries, and fears. The last couple of weeks have been tremendously hard; whether in regards to school, work, or love. However, we (I) are soldiers and keep on trooping through the misty unknown that is the future. The one major issue that has been on my mind is compromise-- When do we pick our battles and when do you stay silent. When do we disrupt something good for a perceived something better... do we take the risk, or play it safe? When do you know that you have a good thing, or when you should revert to something from the past that end up bad... or good? These have been the questions plaguing my mind. I am very thankful for what I have now: great friends, family, work situations, adviser, and of course, partner. Yet, I still feel no happiness, no consistent butterflies. But this is just the beginning.... will it improve over time? God I hope so. Please strength do not leave my side, I need you more than ever.
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that's something ive thought about a lot in the past few years...compromise, happiness, butterflies (or, lack there of). it can be pretty depressing..but hang in there. i think this topic is something many of us have to deal with on a consistent basis.
ReplyDeletemy compromise to myself, so i dont go crazy trying to come up w/ an answer that doesnt seem to exist, has been to redefine & resignify happiness. i guess im talking specifically about the butterflies part of it all. seriously, why is this model of happiness based on butterflies pretty much the only model we're taught? and then often, anything less than butterflies is automatically assumed to be a compromise.
actually, most of the things im not happy with are consequences of my own socialization. so my life long project? resocialize myself.
yeah. dont ask me how it's going...lol, i'll let you know how it goes when im in my death bed =)
and about the reverting back to something from the past that ended up bad? ive gone that route a few times before and from my experience, either 1)the problem (reason it didnt work out in the first place) never really goes away and/or 2)the problem manifests itself in other ways and the past you're going back to no longer exists.
im not a debbie downer. im just a realist. <3 u.
--XXunbound
XXunbound, YOU are SO right!
ReplyDeleteWhy do we use the butterflies as a measurement of happiness. Maybe happiness is just not being sad or depressed :) I kid I kid. But seriously.. you are right. The grass is always greener on the other side.... even if that side has had a history of pain, hurt, and suffering. I guess that is just love's relation to the condition of possibility and how hope overrides your rational thoughts.